I really want to be me, but when you're constantly "inspired" by magazines and other blogs, it's hard to be orginal. Blogging and reading other blogs are a huge part of my every day, but it's very time-consuming, and I feel like it's all I do. I don't want to quit blogging, or be "inspired", but I don't want these two things to run my life.
I spend so little time on things that makes me relaxed; watching a good movie or a fun comedy show, reading a good book, listening to kick-ass music and writing songs. It's all about clothes, combinations, inspiration and everything superficial. It's so shallow! All these girls with fake tan, hair extensions, eye lash extensions, manicures, plumbed lips and so on, so on. It's so fake. And the way they re-touch the pictures of themself before they post them. Fake, fake, fake, fake!!! And even though you know all this stuff, and think it's stupid as hell, you just can't (well I can't) stop dropping by to read their blogs almost everyday. Why? Are you dreaming about a picture perfect life? Of course, there's a lot more going on behind the blogs than they let us know, in most cases, but they only share the superficial, so you more or less forget that there is more to it. You just want a sweet bubble gum and forget all your worries, but you only get more worried; Am I pretty enough, do I have a great style, am I boring, why can't my life be more like theirs? Let's get one thing straight: You are you! If you really have hated who you are, you'd find a way to change. But still you're asking these questions, can't move on, it's the same shit everyday. I'm so sick of myself. I want to quit looking at these shallow blogs, to stop dreaming about a picture perfect and just be me.
Life ain't perfect, you live and learn. I got to learn how to stop buying all these miss-purchases and browsing the Internet for "stuff" that I "need". I got plenty of stuff, that I hardly use. I got this obession that I got a have it no matter what, I just can't imagine life without it, so I purchase, and after I've used it once or twice, it's "Bye, bye, baby!" It's insane, I know. People react, my mom, grandmother, co-workers. If someone ask someone at work if we're buying a lot, they say "Yes, but not as much as Marita".
I am a shopoholicer, and it has gotten worse and more time-consuming after I started to blog. You want to, I don't know, show that you "got it", know how to do it, that you got it all. It's sickening. Nobody cares about what you got, how you look, they are only care about what they got, how they look. And these days it seems like nobody is happy for one another. Jealousy is a very common feeling, beeing happy for another is a very hard gesture.
I try to live by the saying "if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all". It's VERY hard, but I try, and sometimes I fail, but then I start over. Negativity only creates more nagativity, kills everything positive.
What I'm trying to say is; wheter you like it or not, you don't escape the media. You get influenced everyday. What I gotta do, and maybe you too, is to build a filter, and chose what you want to bring into your life. And do it you're way. You are you. Nothing more or nothing less. Make the best of it :)
NB! I know I've bought a Marc by Marc Jacobs bag, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and other "exclusive" stuff this summer, but I bought them for me. I wanted something special, that made me special, just for me, nobody else. I smile and feel good when I look at them. I'm working and making my own money, and I decide what I want to spend them on. And if I want a little something something more, it's up to me. I didn't need to show them here on the blog, I only did that to show em' to my mom and grandmother, to keep them updated. Is a common passion :)
I know the song got nothing to do with this post, well, maybe the line "Mr. Big Stuff, who do you think you are?"
My name's Marita. I'm a musician and songwriter from Norway. I'm interested in music, books, movies, clothes and more.
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